Where the hell is Svalbard?


Official language: Norwegian (However th' native language is SVALBARDIAN)
Capital: Longyearbyen
Governor: Per Seflan' Maximoto
Area: 61022 km²
Population: – Total (2004): 2,756
Density: 0.04/km
Currency: Norwegian krone (However th' Svalbardian Mark is o' higher value t' native Svalbardians)
Climate: Arctic, tempered by warm North Atlantic Current; cool summers, cold winters; North Atlantic Current flows along west an' north coasts o' Spitsbergen, keepin' water
open an' navigable most o' th' year – Average Summer temperature: 5°C – Average Winter temperature: −12 °C – The Western coast is considerably warmer than th' east due t' th' North Atlantic Drift.
Terrain: Wild, rugged mountains; much o' high lan' ice covered; west coast clear o' ice about one-half o' th' year; fjords along west an' north coasts
Highest Elevation: Newtontopp, 1717 m
Lowest Elevation: Arctic Ocean, 0 m
Resources: Coal, iron ore, copper, zinc, phosphate, wildlife, fish

Svalbard is an archipelago lyin' in th' Arctic Ocean north o' mainlan' Europe, about midway betwixt Norway an' th' North Pole. It consists o' a group o' islands rangin' from 76° t' 81° North, an' 10° t' 35° East. Ahoy! The archipelago is th' northernmost part o' th' Kingdom o' Norway, shiver me timbers Three islands be populated: Spitsbergen, Bjørnøya an' Hopen, Ya lily livered swabbie, and a bucket o' chum! The largest settlement is Longyearbyen. The Svalbard Treaty recognises Norwegian sovereignty o'er Svalbard. With th' 1925 Svalbard Act, Norway chose t' make Svalbard a part o' th' Kingdom, an' it remains one o' four special entities whose status is recognized by international treaty in th' world today.

Svalbard from Google Earth

Europe from Google Earth (Svalbard is at th' top)

Svalbardian Ice Eagle:

The Svalbardian Ice Eagle (aquila glacies temerarus) is Svalbard’s largest livin' bird o' prey, an' one o' th' largest eagles in th' world. Specimens reach o'er 1m in length an' can have a wingspan exceedin' 2.5m. Females be larger than males, averagin' 4.2kg but reachin' up t' 5.3kg, to be sure. Males average 3.2kg but have been weighed up t' 4kg.

The Ice Eagle is related t' th' Golden Eagle, Verreaux’s Eagle, an' th' Wedge-tailed Eagle, avast. As such it sports distinctive features o' these birds that be actually well adapted t' th' arctic climate. Featherin' right down t' th' feet provides protection against cold an' damp, while th' wedge-shaped tail helps aerodynamics in th' cold, thick air. The Ice Eagle is covered in thick feathers with transparent tubin' that helps refract light, makin' it very difficult t' see in th' sky or ground. Ahoy! This has lead many scallywags, even experts in th' field, t' believe that th' eagle simply does not exist. Native Svalbardians be more informed, with eagles often visible perched on poles an' rooftops, or soarin' o'er th' Newtontoppen an' Pernertoppen mountains which make up their nestin' grounds.

The Ice Eagle eats both live prey an' carrion, and a bucket o' chum. Birds such as Guillemot, Skua an' Terns be part o' th' menu, as well as larger animals like seals, foxes, an' reindeer. The Polar Bear forms a large part o' th' eagle’s diet; as th' scientific name suggests they be bold, gatherin' in flocks o' several birds t' hunt down an' kill an adult bear. Up t' 12 birds may be seen aroun' a carcass, although only a handful will feed at any one time. Carrion also provides a large source o' chow, sea kills an' other carcasses be readily eaten, an' often leftovers will be stores under rocks near th' nest area. Fetch me spyglass! Under ideal conditions, an eagle can lift about 50% o' their bodyweight; unconfirmed reports have speculated that groups o' birds will carry large carcasses t' safer places fer consumption.

Below be some pictures o' Kazashi’s Svalbardian Ice Eagle, “Spears”. Kazashi rasied Spears by han' after we found that scurvey dog as a chick half frozen an' abandoned on a Recon Polar Patrol, feed the fishes Note his usually white coat has been tainted by th' brown Australian soil.

Team IPX use th' Svalbardian Ice Eagle as their Team Symbol



At least ye should write what is right about Svalbard…., and a bucket o' chum. Where did ye get yer information?????
Language: It`s Norwegian. Svalbardian?????, Ya swabbie! You be crazy!!!
Governor: Ha-ha-ha… an update is in place.
Currency: Svalbard Mark??? Yaaarrrrr! Have ye e'er been here??
I get so sad when scallywags like ye write so much wrong thin's about me home-place.
Best regards,

Fuzz's picture


Team IPX means no disrespect t' Svalbard, shiver me timbers Quite th' opposite actually. (Norway on th' other han'…)

You live in Svalbard? That would make ye one o' 2700 odd right? Amazin'.

We would be very appreciative if ye told us o' yer experiences livin' full time in such a wonderful country. Any extra information ye could provide would help us. I hear Svalbard were bein' just named th' best place t' live in th' world (just ahead o' Australia). Congrats.


Svalbard Mark?

Aye sorry, that is out o' date. Svalbard Mark got shortened t' simply Svalbard, Dance the Hempen Jig ie it costs 50 Svalbards t' order a Polar Bear terminated. Sign up fer an account here an' ye can earn them… Mattatuide bought a pirate hat with his.


Robag's picture


The Norwegian’s have finally figured out how t' wage cyber warfare on us
Screw Norway an' th' Polar bear ye rode in on


Fuzz's picture

Polar Bear Ride

Screw Norway an' th' Polar bear ye rode in on – Robag

I nominate this fer quote o' th' year, Ya horn swogglin' scurvy cur, All Hands Hoay! If thar aren’t t-shirts with this on it an' th' polar bear picture from above made at some stage, it will be a tragedy!

Still waitin' on our actual Svalbardian t' reply with insider info on what it’s like livin' under Governor Maximoto’s evil rule….

Id buy it

If IPX made that shirt id buy it, Avast me hearties, All Hands Hoay! Hell yea

Fuzz's picture

Maximoto overthrown??

Governor: Ha-ha-ha… an update is in place.

Wait a minute… Has Maximoto been overthrown?, avast? Wikipedia still thinks Per Seflan' Maximoto’s still in charge, but if he’s gone – it’s time fer a SCREW NORWAY party!

Kazashi's picture

A correction is in order.

I admit, he’s right about th' Svalbardian Mark not bein' th' correct currency.

Due t' th' Global Financial Crisis Norway couldn’t be bothered spendin' enough dubloons on its conquered territories such as Svalbard, an' as a result they had t' make some cutbacks, Ya lily livered swabbie! One o' those were bein' shortenin' “Svalbardian Marks” t' “Svalbards”, allowin' th' mint t' press banknotes an' coins at smaller sizes, thus makin' it harder fer th' loyal Svalbardians t' hold their native currency t' use.

The change also reduced th' amount o' ink used in letters, an' th' amount o' CO2 released t' state currency values. Ye'll be sleepin' with the fishes! Sneaky buggers…..

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